diff --git a/src/lib/terminal/commands/index.ts b/src/lib/terminal/commands/index.ts
index 3ed877a..a90d9b4 100644
--- a/src/lib/terminal/commands/index.ts
+++ b/src/lib/terminal/commands/index.ts
@@ -3,6 +3,7 @@ import { allSitePages } from '#lib/site/pages';
 import { blankLine, errorLine, line, span } from '../output';
 import { infoCommands } from './info';
 import { systemCommands } from './system';
+import { pacmanCommand } from './pacman';
 import type { Command, CommandContext } from './types';
 
 export type { Command, CommandContext } from './types';
@@ -38,7 +39,14 @@ const socialShortcuts: Command[] = profile.socials.map((social) => ({
 	run: (_args, context) => context.openUrl(social.url)
 }));
 
-export const commands: Command[] = [helpCommand, ...infoCommands, ...systemCommands, ...pageShortcuts, ...socialShortcuts];
+export const commands: Command[] = [
+	helpCommand,
+	...infoCommands,
+	...systemCommands,
+	pacmanCommand,
+	...pageShortcuts,
+	...socialShortcuts
+];
 
 export function findCommand(name: string): Command | undefined {
 	const lowerName = name.toLowerCase();
diff --git a/src/lib/terminal/commands/pacman.ts b/src/lib/terminal/commands/pacman.ts
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f738e52
--- /dev/null
+++ b/src/lib/terminal/commands/pacman.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,132 @@
+import { profile } from '#lib/content';
+import { blankLine, errorLine, line, span, type OutputBlock } from '../output';
+import type { Command, CommandContext } from './types';
+
+const stepDelay = 350;
+const progressBarWidth = 24;
+
+const jokePackages: Record<string, OutputBlock[]> = {
+	girlfriend: [errorLine('target not found: girlfriend')],
+	money: [errorLine('target not found: money'), line(span('hint: ', 'yellow'), 'try the Ko-fi icon in the top bar')],
+	sleep: [
+		line(span(':: ', 'blue', { bold: true }), 'sleep and energy-drinks are in conflict. Remove energy-drinks? [y/N] n'),
+		errorLine('unresolvable package conflicts detected')
+	],
+	windows: [errorLine('windows is not available for Arch Linux. Nice try.')],
+	job: [errorLine('job requires entry-level-position>=5-years-experience, which cannot be satisfied')],
+	internship: [errorLine('internship requires internship-experience, which requires internship')]
+};
+
+function packageVersion(name: string): string {
+	const seed = [...name].reduce((sum, character) => sum + character.charCodeAt(0), 0);
+	return `${(seed % 9) + 1}.${seed % 13}.${seed % 7}-1`;
+}
+
+function packageSize(name: string): string {
+	return `${(name.length * 1.37 + 0.42).toFixed(2)} MiB`;
+}
+
+function progressLine(index: number, total: number, action: string, name: string): OutputBlock {
+	const counter = `(${index}/${total})`;
+	return line(
+		span(`${counter} ${action} ${name}`.padEnd(38), 'foreground'),
+		span(`[${'#'.repeat(progressBarWidth)}]`, 'green'),
+		span(' 100%', 'muted')
+	);
+}
+
+function printOverTime(context: CommandContext, blocks: OutputBlock[]) {
+	blocks.forEach((block, index) => setTimeout(() => context.print(block), index * stepDelay));
+}
+
+function installPackages(context: CommandContext, packages: string[]) {
+	const jokeName = packages.find((name) => name in jokePackages);
+	if (jokeName) {
+		printOverTime(context, [line(span('resolving dependencies...', 'muted')), ...jokePackages[jokeName]]);
+		return;
+	}
+
+	const total = packages.length;
+	printOverTime(context, [
+		line(span('resolving dependencies...', 'muted')),
+		line(span('looking for conflicting packages...', 'muted')),
+		blankLine,
+		line(span(`Packages (${total}) `, 'foreground', { bold: true }), packages.map((name) => `${name}-${packageVersion(name)}`).join('  ')),
+		blankLine,
+		line(span('Total Installed Size:  ', 'foreground', { bold: true }), packageSize(packages.join(''))),
+		blankLine,
+		line(span(':: ', 'blue', { bold: true }), 'Proceed with installation? [Y/n] y'),
+		...packages.map((name, index) => progressLine(index + 1, total, 'installing', name)),
+		line(span(':: ', 'blue', { bold: true }), 'Running post-transaction hooks...'),
+		progressLine(1, 1, 'Reloading', profile.username),
+		blankLine,
+		line(span('(this is a website, nothing was actually installed, but it felt good right?)', 'muted'))
+	]);
+}
+
+function systemUpgrade(context: CommandContext) {
+	printOverTime(context, [
+		line(span(':: ', 'blue', { bold: true }), 'Synchronizing package databases...'),
+		line(' core is up to date'),
+		line(' extra is up to date'),
+		line(span(':: ', 'blue', { bold: true }), 'Starting full system upgrade...'),
+		line(' there is nothing to do'),
+		line(span('btw, I use Arch.', 'accent'))
+	]);
+}
+
+function listInstalled(context: CommandContext) {
+	const installed = Object.values(profile.skills)
+		.flat()
+		.map((skill) => skill.toLowerCase().replace(/[^a-z0-9]+/g, '-').replace(/^-|-$/g, ''));
+	context.print(...installed.map((name) => line(span(name, 'foreground', { bold: true }), ' ', span(packageVersion(name), 'green'))));
+}
+
+function removePackages(context: CommandContext, packages: string[]) {
+	const name = packages[0];
+	context.print(line(span('checking dependencies...', 'muted')), errorLine(`failed to prepare transaction: ${name} is required by ${profile.username}`));
+}
+
+function printHelp(context: CommandContext) {
+	context.print(
+		line('usage:  pacman <operation> [...]'),
+		line('operations:'),
+		line('    pacman -S <package>   install packages'),
+		line('    pacman -Syu           upgrade the system'),
+		line('    pacman -Q             list installed packages'),
+		line('    pacman -R <package>   remove packages')
+	);
+}
+
+function runPacman(args: string[], context: CommandContext) {
+	const [operation, ...packages] = args;
+	if (!operation) {
+		context.print(errorLine('no operation specified (use -h for help)'));
+		return;
+	}
+	if (operation === '-h' || operation === '--help') return printHelp(context);
+	if (operation.startsWith('-Sy') && packages.length === 0) return systemUpgrade(context);
+	if (operation.startsWith('-Q')) return listInstalled(context);
+
+	if (packages.length === 0) {
+		context.print(errorLine('no targets specified (use -h for help)'));
+		return;
+	}
+	if (operation.startsWith('-S')) return installPackages(context, packages.map((name) => name.toLowerCase()));
+	if (operation.startsWith('-R')) return removePackages(context, packages);
+	context.print(errorLine(`invalid option '${operation}'`));
+}
+
+export const pacmanCommand: Command = {
+	name: 'pacman',
+	hidden: true,
+	description: 'Arch Linux package manager',
+	run: runPacman
+};
+
+export function runAsRoot(args: string[], context: CommandContext): boolean {
+	if (args[0] !== 'pacman') return false;
+	context.print(line(span(`[sudo] password for ${profile.username}: `, 'muted'), '********'));
+	runPacman(args.slice(1), context);
+	return true;
+}
diff --git a/src/lib/terminal/commands/system.ts b/src/lib/terminal/commands/system.ts
index 7a11753..9c054d2 100644
--- a/src/lib/terminal/commands/system.ts
+++ b/src/lib/terminal/commands/system.ts
@@ -2,6 +2,7 @@ import { profile } from '#lib/content';
 import { themes } from '#lib/theme/themes';
 import { allSitePages, findSitePage, sitePages } from '#lib/site/pages';
 import { blankLine, errorLine, line, span } from '../output';
+import { runAsRoot } from './pacman';
 import type { Command } from './types';
 
 function cowsay(message: string): string[] {
@@ -122,8 +123,16 @@ export const systemCommands: Command[] = [
 		name: 'sudo',
 		hidden: true,
 		description: 'Elevated privileges',
-		run: (_args, context) =>
-			context.print(errorLine(`${profile.username} is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.`))
+		run: (args, context) => {
+			if (runAsRoot(args, context)) return;
+			context.print(errorLine(`${profile.username} is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.`));
+		}
+	},
+	{
+		name: 'btop',
+		aliases: ['htop', 'top'],
+		description: 'Open the system monitor',
+		run: (_args, context) => context.openApp('btop')
 	},
 	{
 		name: 'pwd',